I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
