"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
