And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
