So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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