how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
