No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
