If that was your dad, he is hot
from now on my penis is your penis
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
