Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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