Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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