I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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