pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
