coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
