I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
