So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
