You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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