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Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
