I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
