you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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