We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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