It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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