I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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