is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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