evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
