R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
