Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
