yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize