He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
