My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
