I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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