She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
