I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
