we're chasing vodka with high fives
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize