dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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