I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
