I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
