We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
