Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
