my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
