the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
