i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
