i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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