After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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