I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
