That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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