All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
