...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize