I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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