I want to have your abortion
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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