i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
