its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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