I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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