I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
