im drinking this country out of the recession.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
