would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
