I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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