He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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