We're facebook friends in real life
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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