my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
