so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize