I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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