i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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