That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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