The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
