No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
