I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
