I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
