Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize