i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
