i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize