so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
