The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
