haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize