Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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