So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Randomize
