I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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