The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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