Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
