is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
