Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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