I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
