I wish I could teleport
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
