is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
