I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
