I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We just shotgunned beers for America
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
