You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
