we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
