to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
two words: eviction party
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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