i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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