halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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